College Students Take Over the Tonight Show Audience
-This is very exciting. Our entire audience is
filled with college students from St. John’s, NYU… [ Cheers and applause ] …Fordham…
[ Cheers and applause ] …and Columbia. [ Cheers and applause ] Which means tomorrow morning
200 kids will be skipping class at St. John’s, NYU,
Fordham, and Columbia. [ Cheers and applause ] Seriously, I am so glad
all of you could wake up at 3:00 p.m.
to be with us tonight. That is so —
That’s so thoughtful. That’s right.
We have college students here from local schools,
and this is very cool. We actually have
something in common. You guys got into
these great schools, and I was rejected
by all of them. So that’s nice. Just kidding.
I got into Fordham. [ Cheers and applause ] You guys, we have
a very special guest tonight. U.S. Senator and presidential
candidate Kamala Harris is here this evening. [ Cheers and applause ] When I first told people
I’d be talking to a Democrat that’s beating President Trump
in the polls, they were like, “You’re gonna
have to be way more specific.” Of course, Senator Harris is one of the top Democrats
in the field, and I saw that she has raised
close to $25 million. It’s crazy.
With that kind of money, she could pay for one semester
at NYU. Almost. Almost.
-Almost. -Almost, yeah.
Let’s get to some 2020 news. I saw that Joe Biden
and Bernie Sanders said they’ll release their medical
records in the next few months. Biden needs to get his chart
from his doctor while Bernie needs to find the
stone tablets in his basement. Speaking of Bernie’s health,
this weekend, he had to cancel three events
to rest his voice. His doctor told him to whisper
for a few days. Bernie was like,
“This IS me whispering! That’s how I whisper!” No. This isn’t good, either. People are now calling for
Brett Kavanaugh’s impeachment following new allegations
of sexual misconduct. It’s good to know
that if this doesn’t work out, Kavanaugh can always
sign with the Patriots. -Oh. [ Audience oohs ] [ Laughter ] -That’s right. Kamala Harris
and many other Democrats are calling for Brett Kavanaugh
to be impeached from the Supreme Court
following a new allegation. You could tell
Kavanaugh was nervous. Today at breakfast,
he barely touched his beer. -Oh. -Quick show of hands.
How many of you have celebrity parents
who bribed you into college? Yeah.
Hey. Over the weekend… -None?
-That’s right. Over the weekend,
actress Felicity Huffman was sentenced
to 14 days in prison for her role in the college
admissions cheating scandal. The judge gave Huffman a tough
choice for her punishment. 14 days in prison or 4 months
on “Dancing with the Stars.” -Oh.
-She chose prison. And Huffman asked
for a low-security prison where she’ll have a 6×8 cell,
three roommates, a bunk bed, and a small TV. Right now our entire crowd
is like, “That’s not prison. That’s
my dorm. Are you kidding me? That’s living it up.
That’s fantastic. [ Cheers and applause ] Some of us don’t even have TV.”